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ihaveasmileonmyface
kedilerle ciddi düşünüyorum. a cynical misanthrope.

I've filled my lying quota.

Actually, there is no need. I've tried to explain this for so many times. I worked my ass off for them to sense it. But then there is something missing. Something missing with me or with them. They must be idiots not to understand it. It should be abnormal for someone who doesn't understand what they read and what they told.

I have told them. It was simple.. What it is, what I want and especially what I don't want. There is nothing to be afraid of. There is nothing that serious as well. So when the situation is not desperate, people are trying to make it look like desperate. It makes me want to send them to space. When they don't perceive the situation as it is, and change it how ever they like it. When I realize the person I once thought was smart is actually an idiot. When I realize the person I thought I know is actually a coward. I'm not surprised with those stuff anymore. I'm just pissed off with myself just because I was wrong. Yes, I was wrong. Is it because that I'm not usually wrong? Or that I generally can see whats coming but this time I couldn't. I don't know really.. but this time I was terribly wrong. Accepting and sensing it was occurred at the same moment. I crosschecked it. He let me to crosscheck it. Thanks to him.

When you look from afar you want your thoughts about someone to stay as it is. I can't lie, there was something wrong that I've been feeling from the beginning. But I thought that was a default feeling that I feel about everyone. So I just didn't care.

To take someone out from your life is nothing. Yes, I believe it is nothing. You don't die, not a fucking thing happens to you. It is better than boredom. It's better they just go, more logical. How important can they be? Not more than a cat.

Breaking someone's heart. Yes that is sad but if you're not the reason then there is no problem. It's their problem. Thinking about it is nonsense. Trying not to break a heart, doing some stupid stuff just not to break it.. It can be more heart breaking if that someone has an average intelligence. Because they would know what you're trying to do.

Saying everything as they are is hard. I know it is very hard. So you don't usually say. But again if that someone has an average sense they would sense it. Waiting for them to understand is nonsense but also an understandable situation.

Well then, lying to that someone and thinking they wouldn't understand? How this situation can be explained. I think that person who lies is the stupid one. Because they think that someone wouldn't understand. They tried to make a fool of that someone. But where does "make a fool of somebody" come from. From those kinds of lies. They think they can make a fool of somebody. But they don't know that they are making a fool of themselves. Because as you can see that someone is not fooled. Simple logic.

There is something so funny about it.. It was just so simple. No need for lying. No need for stupid moves.

There are tons to do. But why choosing this way. You choose to lie because; You are afraid of, breaking her heart, for her to leave, to hear lots of bla bla. You are just used to it; always choosing the easy way, never been caught. From laziness, lazy about telling, thinking she won't understand easily.. But it is wrong. Thinking that "lying is wrong" is the last idea comes to mind, or it never crosses your mind. I'm obsessed with being honest and why not everyone? Why when it comes to lying lots of excuses can be told and not one excuse comes to mind when its about telling the truth. Is being honest not important? Not to everyone.

Ok. I can just forget everything I've been telling. Some people can lie and never get caught. If you can not manage to lie, there isn't just the fact that you are going to be caught, there are other facts too. Like, you lose that person. It's not important, like i said before. But you'll be humiliated. And it turns up that the person you think you have been until that moment was a lie. All the things that you've been telling was just empty. All the things you thought you have was just a mold that you were trying to get in. If you once thought you were smart then you become an idiot. Because you've been caught. Where there was an easy way and you've chosen the wrong way then you are an unstable person. All the things that made you seems shitty now.

I react more to a lie than to anything. That is normal. I don't like lies. I think it is highly unnecessary and you lie just because if you are a coward. That reaction I was telling is actually "not accepting" I don't accept that kind of person in my life. I don't even think that they are exist. I can't. Because if they lie to you that means there is something wrong between you and him. Because the only reason they lie to you is they don't know who you are, not even a bit. I can always handle the truth. I would appreciate the truth. I can accept truth in any ways, what ever the truth is.. But how can you accept the lie.

It is usual nowadays that things are much different than what they look like. People are just about their profiles on social networks. Profiles are real, and the real selves are gone. If their characters are made of avatars, tweets, face book updates, videos, movies and musics they like, friends count then it is done. That is enough to build a character. Just for those kinds of people of course. That means there is no more to it. But the character they made online conflict with the reality then you can see the cracks in that character. Those cracks gets on your nerves and you can't help it. But keeping that person in your life is up to you. Thanks god for that. So I don't keep liars in my life. I still have real friendships that can last for a lifetime. When they talk, it doesn't cross my mind that "do they exaggerate?" or "how much of it is true?" When I see what they are doing I don't think "what they are actually trying to do?" When they give me recommendations about anything I don't be like "what's their hidden agenda?"

I really think that I've filled my lying quota. Before in order to give someone a chance I would have handle with more lies. I would have fooled myself more. But I don't think I can do it more. Not anymore. I feel good by now. Wouldn't be wise to ruin that.. or trying to fix it or to compensate or to forgive, to want, to wait, to explain, to get mad..

It is a hamster-wheel if you get in once you would be thinking that you're going somewhere but then you fall into that shit you've been in for a long time. I've said it before.. NO NEED! :)

Sıkıntıdan çevrilmiş bir yazı. Düzeltmelere açıktır. 

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insanlık için küçük benim için büyük bir farkediş, farketmemek.

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sacmaliyorum sanki..

bir sorun var. ve ben bunu yoksayiyorum. yapmam gerekeni biliyorum cok net ama yapmaktan korkuyorum. ve isin garip tarafi bu bana ilk defa oluyor. ne yapmam gerektigini cok iyi bilip de yapmamak.. tam tersine tam dikine gitmek. zorlamak sanki kendimi mi zorluyorum acaba? dayanma gucumu sinirlarimi. cok mu yanlis yapiyorum diye dusunuyorum surekli. bu kadar fazla dusunuyorsam bir sorun var demektir. ama ben sorunu cozemiyorum. cozemedigim icin belki kaliyorum. cozulmez bir durum var hosuma gitmiyor aslinda. ama sanki gidiyormus gibi ayni yerin etrafinda donup donup duruyorum. bazen bir seyi degil de her seyi kokunden degistirebilecegimi dusunuyorum. sonra bakiyorum bir adim bile atamiyorum. cunku kendi kendime yapabilecegim bir sey degil bu. ben yapabilirim saniyorum. ama tek yapabilecegim susmak, gitmek, bitirmek. ben bunlari becerebiliyorum en iyi yaptigim sey su hayatta bir seye son vermek ve arkama bile bakmadan gitmek. hic olmamis hic yasanmamis gibi davranmak. mukemmelim. ama so
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